Sunday, May 7, 2017

Platinum Championship Wrestling Report from Porterdale on May 6

From Larry Goodman:

Win how you gotta win, baby, that’s America!

--Jon Williams

Platinum Championship Wrestling’s winning formula was in full effect last night in Porterdale (where it’s said you can walk to everything and even if you drive your windows don’t get busted out).

The show struck a satisfying balance. The emphasis was on story with the action in the service of the story being told. They gave their fans enough for the present moment and plenty to chew on for the future as their major events (Revolutionary War Games and Sacred Ground) lie ahead. Story stuff aside, Dark City Fight Club and Washington Bullets had a hell of a match.

Under the leadership of Matt Hankins and Stephen Platinum before him, PCW has always gotten the most of their talent. Their roster may be stronger now than it’s been at any time since Platinum turned the booking reigns over to Hankins.

PCW has been selling out the extremely intimate confines of the Speakeasy at 18th and 21st on a consistent basis in recent months. The space doesn’t allow for more than 120 people. It’s a great place for wrestling. PCW puts on a wholesome show geared for adults and suitable for children. Attention is paid to details. PCW doesn’t insult the intelligence of their audience with their storylines. Fans come to have a good time and are perfectly willing to suspend disbelief. The result is raucous atmosphere that lends itself to intensity. 

The show opened with Get Along Gang (Platinum States Champion Gil Quest and CB Suave) out to the ring. Suave was too busy looking at himself in the mirror to have much to say. Quest claimed he had already defended the title twice this month (allegedly in other states) so he was taking the night off. 

Dominick Stuckey said nobody gets the night off in Porterdale and he came to take the title off the 4 foot 6 Abe Lincoln look-alike.

Quest said he didn’t want to hurt the kid and advised Stuckey to challenge someone else. “Is this a wrestling ring or a chicken coop?” said Stuckey. Quest said he didn’t sweat Stuckey. The kid popped Quest in the face and we had an impromptu match on our hands.

(1)Gil Quest defeated Dominick Stuckey in 3:10. Quest confidently took command, disrespecting the Stuckey with a one-foot cover. A burst of offense by the rookie had the champion reeling. Or so it appeared. Quest dropped Stuckey face first on the turnbuckle and pinned him with his feet on the ropes.

Suave showed Quest where his sneakers had gotten scuffed. Quest lost it. They put the boots to Stuckey until number one contender Brian Kane hit the ring. Kane said Stuckey showed a lot of heart and that was one thing Porterdale liked. Kane said Quest was all mouth and he was going to take the title from him. Further trash talk led to…

(2) Brian Kane & Dominick Stuckey defeated GAG (CB Suave & Gil Quest) in 10:09 when number one contender Kane pinned Porterdale States Champion Quest. The heels tried to walk out on the match. Kane wasn’t about to let them off the hook. Quest raked Kane’s eyes and ran them along the rope for good measure. Kane fired back on Suave and confronted Quest. Sauve with another eye rake followed by a Hoganesque leg drop for a two count. Kane planted Suave with a spinebuster slam. Tag made. Stuckey was building momentum until Quest made him miss a dropkick and Stuckey landed on his head. GAG worked him over. Kane saved the kid from being pinned by a double flapjack. Kane ran wild on Quest after making the tag. Two consecutive moonsaults and Quest was toast but Kane wouldn’t cover. Swing and a miss by Quest and Kane rolled him up for a big pop.

This entire segment worked beautifully: the Abe Lincoln reference, scuffed sneakers as an excuse for a beatdown, all of the action building to Kane dominating and pinning the champion. Quest is great in the role of the punk a-hole with the big mouth. Stuckey has an appealing personality. Stuckey is anything but smooth in the ring because he’s so green, and he won’ t have a long career unless he learns how to bump without killing himself.

(3) Iceberg defeated Stunt Marshall in 7:49. On commentary, Johnny Danger said Iceberg did to skulls as God did to the Grand Canyon. Berg gave Marshall a beating including a wicked neck slap. Marshall resorted to a kick in the nuts. Berg took a back bump off when Marshall surprised him with a dropkick but kicked out before the count of one. Marshall made the smart move by taking out Berg’s leg. The springboard crossbody was not so smart as Berg converted it into a fallaway slam. Marshall went to the gutter to regain control. Marshall came off the top rope smack into a vicious chop and Berg pinned him with the Ground Zero.

Match had a charm all its own. It was a pleasure to see little things done well. Without them, the big things matter less.

The postmatch was gold. Iceberg extended his left hand. Marshall took the bait. Berg slapped him then offered his right hand.

Brian Blaze came to the ring to explain his motives for turning on Geter, carrying the very chair he wrapped around Geter’s head. Blaze said 8 year in, Big F’N Deal were still wrestling in Porterdale instead of touring Japan. That wasn’t the plan. Blaze blamed the fans for blowing up Geter’s head that this was as good as it gets when there was so much more. Blaze said he wanted to wrestle deliciously. Blaze said the fans were at fault for what happened at Sacred Ground 7. They prodded Geter into a stupid defense of the title he had just won when Blaze was telling him the opposite. Blaze said he would beat Geter and laugh in the fans faces. “That’s just my first step to wrestling deliciously.”

“The Human Hand Grenade” Dany Only joined Danger as guest commentator for the next match.

The Washington Bullets talked big. Jon said they loved showing the toothless hillbillies how much they needed them in life. They were the flagship team in PCW and two scrubs weren’t going to take them down. The Bullets showed off their priceless merch. Trey said they would demolish the competition and then you people buy our shirt.

It looked like a major case of alligator mouths overloading humming bird asses when Dark City Fight Club was introduced as the Bullets’ opponents. 

(4) Washington Bullets (Jon & Trey Williams) defeated Dark City Fight Club (Jon Davis & Kory Chavis) in 19:31. Neither of the Bullets wanted to tangle with Davis. Who could blame them? The guy is a beast. Davis’s chops were ungodly. He hit a twenty count stalling suplex and made it look sooo easy. DCFC played ping pong with Trey’s face, sold hugely and hilariously. The takeover spot was right on the money with both members of DCFC getting nailed simultaneously. Davis penalized Trey for too much hot dogging with a back suplex. Davis crashed and burned on a moonsault. Both men down after a spinebuster on Jon but Trey prevented the tag with a bicycle kick to the mush of Chavis. Davis laid out both Bullets. They escaped from a double Samoan drop and Davis tagged. Chavis hit the Spinesplitta on Jon and a planted Trey on top of him with an RKO. Trey saved Jon from being pinned by Chavis’ crazy ass tilt-a-whirl face plant. Trey miraculously kicked out of a devastating DCFC double team. Jon gave Davis a low blow. Trey made a blind tag and managed to pin Davis while grabbing the ropes. First time these teams had ever met, and man did they click. They did a lot of stuff but without rushing so the fans could absorb and react to it all. DCFC got over great with the PCW fans. There must be a rematch.

Davis said he saw Trey holding the ropes so why didn’t the referee see it? DCFC came there to kill somebody and since the Bullets were gone they were going to have to kill the ref. Referee William Dabbs eyes got big and he ran for his life. Fans made it clear they want to see Dark City Fight Club back in Porterdale.

(5) PCW Title Match: Champion Gunner Miller (with Jeff G. Bailey) vs. Tyson Dean was a double count out at 9:46. Miller had enough of Dean’s flurry of babyface offense and jetted to ringside for a TO. Dean took the battle to Miller on the outside and kept the pressure on, but Bailey grabbed Dean’s leg as he tried to re-enter the ring. Miller seized on the opening. A methodical dismantling ensued. Miller tossed Dean clear across the ring with his best ever overhead belly to belly suplex. Dean leapfrogged Miller’s spear attempt. The comeback was on. The action spilled outside the ring and down a narrow hallway into bathroom. Couldn’t see a damn thing but it sounded violent. Referee Darryl Hall counted them out.

Miller and Dean weren’t about to quit. It turned into a wild melee with the entire locker room out to pull them apart. Dean got a big round of applause when it was all over. The fans want to see Miller get his ass kicked, and Dean looked like the guy that might be able to get the job done. Rematch sure to happen, date TBA.

Jonathan Malick came out with “Go Time” Eric Jones. Malick said he could not be happier with the man that singlehandedly destroyed hometown hero Jam. Malick said Jones proved he was the son that Jam’s mom always wanted, and unlike Jam’s relationship with mom, Eric’s relationship wasn’t against the law. Jones left to Jam’s entrance music. (The explanational reason is as follows: Jam’s mother attends all of sonny boy’s matches. Jones pinned Jam right in front of her after massive interference by Malick).

(6) Brian Blaze & Carpenter defeated Geter & Bill the Butcher in 12:27. Danger said more and more of Carpenter’s humanity had slipped away to where he was subhuman. Crowd was on their feet for Butcher and went nuts for Geter. Butcher attacked Blaze and Carpenter while Geter slowly advanced to the ring. Carpenter bailed leaving Blaze face-to-face with Geter. Blaze offered Geter a free shot. Geter stepped to the apron and that was the story of the match. Geter was willing to decimate Carpenter but wouldn’t lay a hand on Blaze. Carpenter and Blaze isolated Butcher until Blaze tossed Butcher to his corner and invited Geter to tag in. Geter still wouldn’t fight Blaze but he choke slammed the bejeezus out of Carpenter and tagged Butcher back in. Carpenter hit a swinging neckbreaker on Butcher and tagged out. Butcher speared Blaze. Tags made. Geter clotheslined Carpenter and starting grilling him about what he did to Blaze. Meanwhile, Blaze sneaked up behind Geter with the chair. Geter wheeled around to confront Blaze. Geter offered Blaze a free shot but before anything went down between them, Carpenter clocked Geter with his baseball bat and pinned him.

Carpenter did a nifty little promo to set up the main event for next time. He was Butcher’s voice when he was voiceless and gave him direction when he had none. It had to end with two words and a lifetime of shame. Carpenter said he would make Butcher talk on May 20 and say I QUIT.

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