I don't care about Ace Haven. The only reason I was there when he was seizing and convulsing in Atlanta was to make sure God did the job right this time and took his ass to the afterlife and I was disappointed...
From Lawrence Goodman:
New champions were crowned on this week's episode.
Julian Balderas made an unadvertised return to ProSouth and took the All-Out Championship from former partner Christian Pierce in a great title match, far and away the best in-ring on the show.
Pierce losing the title in his first defense was a stunner. Even more shocking was Pierce leaving his boots in the ring after the match. If Pierce's supposed retirement was to hold true, it would be a staggering loss to ProSouth.
The tag team championship also changed hands. Chosen Ones (Ace Haven & Cameron Keast) became three-time champions, albeit in a manner that can't be buried in the annals of ProSouth history fast enough.
The discord in the Process is verging on open warfare. The tag team championship was lost because Ayden Andrews' mouth wrote a check he and Joe Wood could not cash in the ring. ProSouth Champion Joe Black issued an ultimatum to them and once again left them to their own devices. Once again, they failed.
Wicked Nemesis and Mathias Darkthorne (unofficially sponsored by 7 Brew) had a jolly time in the announcer's booth...Mathias ring announced...Adam Hunter (yes!), Cody Clonts and Matthew Gibson officiated...Emma was the ringside videographer.
(1) The Process (represented by Ayden Andrews & Joe Wood) defeated Oliver Green & Donnie Primetime to retain the ProSouth Championship in 6:38. Andrews demolished a babyface double team and took command of the match. Andrews caught Green's Green Arrow to allow Wood to dish out more abuse. Both men were down after Green's satellite DDT. Primetime's hot tag offense was short-circuited by Andrews flying knee. Andrews hit Nail In The Coffin on Primetime. Wood stacked Green on top of Primetime with the Woodchipper and it was over.
Match was fine for its intended purpose. Andrews' work stood out (big surprise, right?) Green is better off slotted in the midcard and in tags where his size and strength limitations are less exposed.
Andrews said they had more cleaning up to do and challenged Chosen Ones to a title match. Wood looked bewildered.
(2) Poo Butt Challenge: Jabari Jaku (with Raheem) defeated Julius Pryor via DQ in 3:03. This match was fallout from Battle Rumble where Raheem said Jaku took a ding ding shot (from Pryor). Jaku, in turn, destroyed Pryor's $1000 sunglasses.
Jaku overpowered Pryor. The most damage Pryor could inflict with a barrage of offense was to force Jaku to one knee. Pryor escaped Jaku's choke slam and punched him in the dick.
This was the closest thing to an authentic Julius Pryor match since he went Hollywood. Jaku and Raheem's dour attitudes and Pryor's impish nature was a fun juxtaposition and babyfaced Pryor. I sincerely hope Raheem isn't half as crazy as he looks.
(3) "Sublime" Jasper Reid (with VP Lose Brantley) defeated James Hardy in 3:16. Wicked said Reid's alpaca ass hair robe had been replaced by a ring jacket made of authentic skunk nutsacks. Darkthorne said Hardy was the alleged third nephew-in-law and former roommate of John Tenta. Reid's slingshot into the ring was botchomania material. Wicked said as assistant tot the VP, Reid reminded him of Monica Lewinsky. For the finish, they did the deal where Brantley grabbed Hardy's leg as he suplexed Reid into the ring and held on.
Brantley raised Sublime's hand and said that was so easy, for his first act as VP he was challenging Hardy to a match.
(4) James Hardy defeated VP Lose Brantley (with Jasper Reid) in 7 seconds. Brantley was pantsed before the bell (thanks to Reid) and pinned with the Eviscerator in the quickest match in ProSouth Palace (but not company) history.
Commentary treated this match with unseriousness it deserved. A confrontation between past master of perverse wrestling entertainment, Hardy and the reigning court jesters was a natural.
Caeden Ooten (with Harley Haven) promo. Joe Black called himself the grim reaper and maybe he'd earned that reputation. Maybe there was something about the abyss Joe talks about staring into that they both don't understand. The abyss did not respect, fear or worship Joe and maybe Joe did not know that yet. Joe could come out with the scythe, wearing the beads and proclaiming himself to be death.
"Eventually, the person that does all the burying has to be buried too, right?"
Sleazy C was not motivated by holding Big Blue for a fourth time. He wanted Joe Black. When Joe breathed his last breath at Anniversary, he would realize that sometimes even the grim reaper has something to fear. C was going to carve the first inscription on the tombstone in his proverbial graveyard and it would read Joseph Blackcloud.
This was the dark side of Ooten. His delivery was outstanding and he had a compelling message for the ProSouth Champion using the imagery of the abyss. Ooten has had three title shots at Joe. None of them ended well for him for Ooten. He had to come at Joe from a different angle. This time it wasn't going to be about the ProSouth Championship, he was out to put the killerweight out of his misery.
(5) Open Challenge: Julian Balderas defeated Christian Pierce to win the All-Out Championship in 12:30. Pierce said he made a promise to himself that the All-Out Division was done with mediocrity as long as he was champion. He was going to kick his unlucky opponent in the head so hard he could feel their brain movement in his boot laces.
Pierce clobbered Balderas with the belt before the bell to avoid being DQed and had him in his sights for the punt kick. Balderas countered with a powerslam and was looking for Project Mayhem. Pierce escaped to the outside. Balderas got the better of an exchange of blows and decked Pierce with a clothesline off the apron. Balderas circled the ring to build up a head of steam. Pierce stepped aside and Balderas went flying into the barricade. Pierce stuck the landing on a cannonball. PIerce was picking Balderas apart until he got too cute and ate a discus clothesline for his troubles. Pierce continued to dissect Balderas. He brought the Bullhammer out of mothballs and applied a sleeper hold. Balderas tried to power out. Pierce softened Balderas up with 12-6 elbows and got the hooks in on the sleeper. Balderas reversed with a sleeper of his own. Pierce had to use up his ropes break. Balderas tried for Project Mayhem again. Pierce dumped Balderas off the ropes and got a close near fall with a top rope double stomp. Balderas slipped away from Once Bitten and planted Pierce with a slingshot blue thunder bomb. Pierce thwarted Balderas' third attempt at Project Mayhem and leveled him with a full-speed lariat. Balderas kicked out. Pierce tried for Endgame. Balderas backdropped Pierce to get out of it. Balderas threw in a touch of flip flop and fly, then T-bone suplexed Pierce. Balderas went flying through the ropes and crashed to the floor as Pierce ducked out of the way. When the count reached 12, Pierce went after Balderas, sending him into the post before throwing him back into the ring. Pierce had Balderas where he wanted him. Green appeared at ringside and grabbed Pierce's leg. Balderas mowed Pierce down with a spear. Pierce kicked out strong at the count of two. Referee Clonts got preoccupied with Green. Balderas tried to get Clonts back in the ring and was caught off guard by Pierce's Endgame. Clonts was late starting his count and Balderas kicked out. Pierce was in shock. Pierce set up for the punt kick. Balderas countered and made no mistake with his fourth attempt at Project Mayhem. New champion.
Whew. This action-packed match was a roller coaster ride of counter moves and well executed false finishes. Balderas is a force to be reckoned with and the scary thing is, I don't think he's back at 100% yet.
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Afterwards, Pierce took his boots off and left them in the middle of the ring.
Joe Black (with Amy Haven) issues an ultimatum. Amy dressed Andrews down for making another title defense. Joe read Andrews and Wood the riot act about their failure to end Ace Haven's career last week. Joe questioned if Andrews was purposely screwing up to enhance his chances of successfully cashing in the Gold Rush Briefcase on Joe. Black took the briefcase from Andrews and tossed it out of the ring. Said there would be no gold for him except the tag title. Black tore Wood a new asshole for not properly dispensing with Eli Riley last week. "Be gentle with your woman. Kill the wrestlers!" Joe called Wood "Lenny" and referenced the ending of Mice and Men. Joe shoved Andrews. Andrews shoved back. Joe said Andrews had beaten the neppo baby who just signed with TNA, and he expected him to beat a never was and a never will be. He and the Queen were not going to be there to clean up their mess or save them. If Andrews failed, their conversation would be very, very different.
Tense, ominous. Leave it to Joe Black to reference Steinbeck. My guess is the powers that be are building to something huge at Wicked Havoc on October 30.
(6) YouTube Champion Ace Haven & Cameron Keast (with Scott Adams) defeated The Process (Andrews & Wood) to become the new ProSouth Tag Team Champions in 12:13. Chosen Ones did a number on Andrews until Wood pulled Keast out of the ring. Double heel heat ensued, first on Keast, then on Ace. Keast cleaned house. Chosen Ones had Andrews pinned with a double team but Wood pulled referee Hunter out of the ring and choke slammed him on the ring apron. Andrews had Keast pinned with Nail In The Coffin with no referee to make the count. Ace waxed Andrews with an elevated Endgame. Chosen Ones laid Wood out. Matthew Gibson slid in to make the three count but Wood kicked out. Andrews double clotheslined Chosen Ones and coiled for the flying knee. Wood ate the knee by mistake.
Chosen Ones dropped Andrews on his head with the Coronation. Keast covered. Andrews stayed flat on his back. Gibson held up two fingers. Wicked said we have new champions. Time stood still while they figured out what the hell to do. Ace gave Andrews a cutter. Keast followed with a frog splash and Gibson counted three.
What a mess. They had a decent match going until the horrendous screw up on the finish. It was patently obvious Andrews was pinned. The improvised finish looked like trash. It was a deflating way to switch the title and end the episode.
